


all this time i was finding myself (i didn't know i was lost)

by smooth



Category: Faking It (TV 2014)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Karma being a jealous and oblivious idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-15
Updated: 2014-10-15
Packaged: 2018-02-21 07:51:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2460590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smooth/pseuds/smooth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amy lets a frustrated groan and bows her head. “It meant nothing for either of us,” She mumbles after a while. “He still… wants whatever he wants from you.”</p><p>Karma feels her eyes involuntarily searching for her friend’s. “And you?”</p><p>(Or that time Amy and Liam had sex and Karma didn't have a clue. Until she did.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	all this time i was finding myself (i didn't know i was lost)

**Author's Note:**

> idk what this is, i'm sorry you guys, i just had to write something, i have this competition/debate/idk what tomorrow, why am i even here?

(1)

It’s not like she’s afraid Amy’s two month long friendship with Shane Harvey can be compared in any way to their lifetime long one. How much in common can a lesbian and a gay guy have anyway? (She’s not sure Amy’s a lesbian, hell, _Amy_ isn’t sure she's a lesbian but for the sake of Karma’s pride and her little knowledge of sexualities besides straight and gay, let’s just assume she is). Nor is she jealous. She’s not. After all why would Amy want to spend time with someone who she doesn’t have a chance of falling in love with instead of her best friend who’s apparently messing with her head and feelings?

Shit.

Okay, fine, maybe sharing’s not her forte but that doesn’t mean Karma’s not giving her best to let Amy have her space… and her friendship with the annoying creature made of glitter and fabulousness that is Shane.

“Too bad there can only be one singular sensation,” He says haughtily then looks at Amy like Karma isn’t there at all. “I need to talk to you right now.”

Karma takes the hint but Amy shrugs easily, not even considering the meaningful gaze accompanying his words, and Karma loves her a little bit more because of it. “What is it?”

Shane goggles at her, his lips in a thin line, and Karma decides to stop pretending obliviousness. “’S okay, I was just leaving.”

Amy will tell her later anyway.

 

(2)

Amy doesn’t tell her later and Karma forgets about it sooner than she thought she would. Between the excitement for the drama club auditions and the fear of coming out (as _straight_ , mind you, where is this world going) to the ten people in the auditorium and the _slight_ disappointment of not being accepted in the stupid club, she didn’t exactly have the time to ponder upon Amy and Shane's tittle-tattle. She spends the weekend watching _I Love Lucy_ with Amy, eating her weight in Snickers ice cream bars, complaining in the lines of "I hate this bitch Margot... but that hair though" and eventually making her best friend take the ice cream wraps with her (after all, her parents can tolerate only so much unhealthy eating).

Her suspicions awaken on Monday when she sees Amy, Liam and Shane talking in hushed voices right next to Liam’s locker. Especially because Amy has every reason in the world to hate Liam.

“I think this is the most reasonable decision you two could make,” She hears Shane say, “after all Karma-” Amy’s eyes widen and she makes a sharp gesture with her hand which makes him shut up immediately, and smiles.

“Hey, what’s up?”

Karma stops a few feet away from them and narrows her eyes slightly. “Is everything alright?”

Amy twitches nervously. Liam wipes his hands in his jeans. Even Shane shifts on his feet, looking a bit uncomfortable.

“Yeah,” He nods, "of course it is, why wouldn’t it?" He says quickly and after a short awkward silence wiggles his fingers as a wave and leaves with an “okay, bye” .

Karma raises an eyebrow at her best friend and her (boyfriend? Ex-boyfriend?). Liam clears his throat and all of a sudden remembers he forgot to tell Shane something very important, and flees, not once daring to look her in the eye.

“What the hell is going on?” She asks Amy slowly, with a tone that’s clearly saying _don’t you dare bail on me_.

The blonde huffs, shrugs her left shoulder, snorts, makes an unsuccessful attempt to laugh it off. “What do you mean? Nothing’s going on.”

 _I told you I know when you’re lying,_ Karma yells in her head. _We agreed no more secrets, remember?_

She scrunches her eyebrows instead. Amy’s grin widens and she tries to roll her eyes playfully. Karma nods and they head off to Spanish class.

 

(3)

“We need to talk.”

Liam jumps and bangs his face into the open door of his locker. “Oh. It’s you.” He mutters awkwardly and tries to rub his nose as discreetly as possible.

“Yes, it’s me,” She crosses her arms, knowing she should probably be nicer to him after all the shit she’s done and not caring one single bit about it. “There’s something going on with you and Amy and you’re going to tell me what it is.”

He freezes for a moment and then, when he speaks up, his tone doesn’t exactly have the bite he intends it to. “Nothing's going on and even it was, she's _your_ best friend.”

“ _Your_ best friend’s around her a lot lately, don’t you think?” Karma almost growls.

Liam raises his eyebrows incredulously. “You’re jealous of _Shane_?”

“What I am is pissed off because it looks like all of you are keeping a secret from me and that’s so. Not. Fair.”

Liam’s face becomes sad, almost remorseful. “You don’t have to know everything, you know.”

“Aha, so you _do_ know what’s going on!” She points a finger at his nose which is starting to bruise.

“I don’t know anything,” He replies quietly and he’s not looking her in the eye again. “And even if I did, some secrets aren’t mine to tell.”

He closes his locker and leaves empty-handed.

 

(4)

Liam’s sister comes with her ~$100,000 automobile to pick him from school and he’s obviously not happy to have her there. They meet just as cautiously as before given the fact the majority of Hester High doesn’t know about his disgustingly rich family and Karma sees them purely because she happens to pass nearby, it’s not like she’s been stalking him or anything. Of course not.

She can’t even hear them talking and she’s already getting bored and about to leave, when Amy appears out of nowhere. Liam’s sister waves her finger threateningly in front of her face and when she speaks, her voice is slightly higher. Karma hears “no right to interfere”, “family business”, “ruined everything”. Amy frowns at her and objects, obviously.

“I am going to sue you and your family!” The older woman’s almost yelling. Liam grabs her by the elbow and hisses something but she pulls away. “She has no right to mess into our life, Liam!”

“I did all of it, stop blaming her!” Liam’s voice is loud and sharp now. “You’re making a scene,” He adds, lower now, but still audible.

“Oh, am I?” His sister puts her hands on her hips. “I’ll just have you know I’m not the only one keeping secrets.” She glares at Amy disdainfully. “I know exactly what you two’ve been up to.” And with that, she gets in her car and leaves.

Amy and Liam start whispering furiously to each other the moment the car disappears off sight but their quiet voices plus the slight buzzing in Karma’s head prevents her from hearing them.

 

(5)

“Something’s wrong with Amy.”

Shane practically whirls around, jasmine, nutmeg and the fringe of a pink scarf hitting her in the face. “Karma,” He breathes then gazes at her distrustfully. “What do you mean?”

“I think there’s something going on between her and Liam.”

His eyes widen. Karma’s heart sinks.

“Um.” He knits his eyebrows slightly. “Are you- are you sure?”

“Well, I am now,” She says, her chest heavy. “So you better start talking.”

Shane looks around helplessly. “Look, I-” He bites his lip. “I can’t. I promised.”

Karma’s getting the urge to slap him across the face. Oddly enough, she hears herself speak up. “One question. You reply with yes or no. Whatever happens after, your name won’t be mentioned.”

He looks at her hesitantly and bites his lip. “They’re both my friends,” He says but it’s not a no and Karma knows he’s going to cave in.

“Look, I’m trying to be the good guy here, okay? Remember when you told me I used both Liam and Amy?”

Shane’s obviously conflicted. “Yeah…”

“You were right.  I was selfish, with both of them. But now I really want to make things better and keeping secrets won’t help that.” He sighs. “One question?” She urges him softly.

He stays silent for a couple of moments but she already knows she’s won. Thank god for Shane not being able to keep his mouth shut. “Fine, one question,” He puffs obnoxiously, looking annoyed at both her and himself now.

“Are Amy and Liam being all secretive to make me jealous?”

Shane’s expression is slightly relieved but mostly disappointed. “No and wow, what a massive ego you have,” His tone is all bitchy again but she’s not paying attention to him anymore.

Amy and Liam aren’t trying to make her jealous. Her birthday isn’t until another four months so it’s unlikely they’re planning her a surprise party. So this is not about her at all.

Maybe this is the cliché way she and Amy will lose touch after years of friendship – because of a guy. Maybe Amy’s payback is to pursue Liam. Or maybe she’s really falling in love with him and he’s falling in love with her and Karma’s the unnecessary one in this whole situation.

“Are they in love with each other?” She hears her voice but it sounds empty and hollow, like it’s not hers at all.

“One question, remember?” Shane reminds her snootily and she grabs his collar before she can help it.

“I’m a very non-violent person but if you don’t tell me, I swear to god-”

“Hey, hey, this is Prada, cut it off!” He tries to pry her fingers off his shirt but when she squeezes tighter and raises her voice, “Are they in love?!”, he waves his hands erratically and yells back at her, “Oh my God, no, they only fucked!”

It becomes unbelievingly quiet after that.

 

(6)

Amy sits next to her at lunch, a charming grin on her face, and chirps, “How’s it going?” before her expression visibly fades and she croaks a worried “Karma, are you okay?”.

_I know you slept with Liam._

_I know you betrayed me._

_I know you said you loved me._

_I know you said you hate Liam Booker and still had sex with him._

_I don’t know why exactly I’m so mad._

“Yeah,” She replies with an even voice.

Amy’s forehead wrinkles in distress. “Remember when we promised each other no more secrets?”

“Yes, do you?” Karma snaps before she can stop herself.

Her friend blinks abashedly at her. “Well, yeah,” She says with a _duh_ voice. “That’s exactly what I-”

“Amy, are you in love with me?” Karma interrupts her.

Amy’s movements halt, her breath hitching painfully in her throat, her eyes big and pleading and full of _why are you doing this to me?_ “I-I don’t understand-”She stutters confusedly.

Karma’s heart clenches at her own harshness but she has to know what’s going on. “I thought the question was pretty clear. Are you still in love with me?”

The blonde’s eyes are almost teary when she chokes, “Karma, why are you doing this?”

“Because if you were as in love with me as you were claiming, you wouldn’t have slept with Liam!”

She whisper-yells it because even though she’s (upset? angry? _jealous_?), she doesn’t have it in her to throw tantrums and belie Amy. Still, Amy looks like she’s just slapped her across the face.

“Karma, I can explain-” She starts but once it’s all out, Karma’s suddenly lost her appetite and any desire to keep on talking about this so she just stands up and exits the cafeteria in what she hoped was an unobtrusive manner (but probably wasn’t).

She hears Amy’s tray clattering on the table behind her and subconsciously quickens her pace but her friend’s about three inches taller and it’s not really that hard for her to catch up once they're outside.

“Karma, please,” Amy’s fingers are gripping her elbow, “I never wanted to break you two up or whatever you probably think I was trying to do. I was just very drunk and very angry and he was just there and I-”

“Saw a good opportunity for a payback.”

“No! Okay, maybe, but it was a stupid decision and I regretted it the morning after.”

“Oh, so you stayed together all night, how romantic.”

Amy lets a frustrated groan and bows her head. “It meant nothing for either of us,” She mumbles after a while. “He still… wants whatever he wants from you.”

Karma feels her eyes involuntarily searching for her friend’s. “And you?”

Amy looks at her sheepishly, takes a deep breath, sighs. “And I’m in love with you,” She admits quietly.

It’s not the first time Karma hears it. But it’s the first time it provokes such an odd reaction from her insides. Her stomach lurches violently, her heart leaps in her chest and she gets the urge to vomit.

Amy obviously takes her silence for wrath (and it is, partly) and sighs again. “I’m really sorry, Karma. I honestly regret it and whatever you decide, I just want you to know that.”

 

(7)

“I found out about you and Amy.”

Liam flinches but doesn’t look at her, just keeps rummaging in his locker. Lately this has been the only place she can get him to stick long enough for a talk.

“I know, she told me.”

Karma stays silent for a minute but it doesn’t look like he has anything else to say. “You didn’t come to talk.”

He sighs, shuts his locker loudly and turns around to face her. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Oh, really? As far as I heard at first you were very eager to tell me.” She crosses her arms.

“Yeah but what’s the point, really?” He shrugs but his expression is pained. “It happened, it’s over and it changes nothing.”

“It changes everything,” She interrupts him, bile rising up her throat. “I can’t trust you anymore.”

“Yeah?” He laughs harshly. “Makes two of us.”

“At least I never cheated on you!”

“You cheated _with_ me, that’s actually worse.”

“Amy and I weren’t in a real relationship!”

“Oh, thanks for reminding me. We’re even now,” He tries to pass her by but she steps right in front of him and almost pushes him back.

“Okay but why Amy? Why did you choose her for your stupid revenge?” She’s practically screaming and everybody’s looking at them and wow, she loves to be the center of attention and now she is, congratulations.

Something changes in his eyes, his passive aggression suddenly becomes openly hostile. “Why not?” He asks slowly and takes a small step towards her.

She unconsciously takes a step back.

“Who are you jealous of?” He continues. “Do you want me to not have feelings for her or do you want _her_ not to have feelings for _me_?”

And it dawns on Karma then.

 

(8)

She might have feelings for Amy.

 

 

 


End file.
